Log in

No account? Create an account
Someone on FB posted this:  http://abcnews.go.com/News/christine-odonnell-dabbled-witchcraft/story?id=11671277
I feel I must say that it is clear she is either lying or stupid or both...and clearly doing it for attention and to promote a badass been-there, done-that image, not to mention she's pulling the old Christian preacher trick where they pretend like they've "gone Pagan" for a while and "seen what Pagans really do and seen that witches work for the devil and really are Satanists even though they say they aren't".  Ugh.  She clearly doesn't know what she is talking about, and she doesn't even make sense!  How could you have a date/picnic on an altar???  Stooopiiid.

This is my "official" response, and the discussion that followed:

Wicce Witch Wicca:
Satanism and witchcraft are not the same thing, not by a long shot.  No relation.   Satanists sometimes try to associate themselves with witchcraft/witches in order to cause trouble for witches, give themselves a more badass image, and annoy Christians, but Satan isn't even a Pagan deity, he's a Christian invention.  Real witchcraft is nothing like that.  It's about nature and energy and doing good for the sake of doing good and holding yourself accountable.  To hate witches is to hate women, to make witches look evil is to say women are evil.  It's misogyny.  Witch or wicce means wise woman, a healer, a spiritual woman.  It is the origin of human spirituality and the heritage of all humans.  Wit, wicker, wisdom.  Wicker because it can bend.  Wicca is a male form.  Warlock has nothing to do with witchcraft and is actually a (Scottish?) insult.   Early European Christians took the word wicce and turned it into the word wicked, reflecting the oppression of their convert-or-die methods.  They also took Goddess imagery and picked it apart and warped it and used the bits to create their images of evil.  Red for menstrual and birthing blood, horns for the horned shape of the female reproductive system, et cetera. 

Learn the truth about the things you have been taught to hate, it will surprise you.

Take some Anthropology, Gender Studies, Art History, World Religions, etc type classes.  Read some real witchcraft books by real actual witches.  Learn history.  Not the oppressor's version of history...look for the reality under the lies.  I challenge you, if you aren't doing so already.  I challenge you to question the prejudice, hatred, bigotry...the assumptions and stereotypes. 

And if you still choose to hate and choose to be willfully ignorant...grow a brain already or at least stop trying to hurt those of us who have brains.

Someone replied: I think of Satan as a political cartoon, an instrument of propaganda, a caricature of Cernunnos..

My response:  Yes, Satan is a way for Christianity to usurp, twist, warp, and vilify the Horned God, another way to make Paganism look evil, an excuse to hate.  And just as someone pointed out, he is a tool of control and persuasion.  Underneath the terrible besmirching of sweet Cernunnos, etc, which is bad enough in itself,there lies more misogyny, though- because the horns are not just representative of male animals, they were and are a way of representing the path for males (esp male shaman) to tap into the power of the Goddess, divine creative power, and to recognize and realize that it is within all and is neither male or female but is both and neither at the same time, and that we all start out female and so we're not really that different.  Males are just a different version of females, or more accurately perhaps, males and females are the same thing.  People think of male and female as polar opposites, but that's not really true.  There is a lot of grey area in gender identity, for example.  In the original matriarchal cultures of the world, there were ways for males to be as powerful as females, to be equals, by tapping into menstrual and birth powers through shamanism.  I think the Patriarchy rose out of a contagious general male fear of inequality and desire for more power, plus a male fear of being unnecessary/unneeded.  It's humanity's mental illness because it is not in balance and is not sustainable.  But we're headed back to balance, hopefully we'll get there before we do too much damage to Mother Earth.  My wife is the expert on this stuff, she could probably do a better job of explaining than I can.  Shamanism is a way for everyone to experience and embody creative power.  That's how I see it.  Androgyny was sacred to ancient peoples because it held that both/neither power in it, hence the sacredness of bisexual and homosexual people in many ancient cultures, like the Two Spirited people of the Native Americans (which Elk and I both are, incidentally).  The ability to embody both/neither, which everyone has, is the power of total and ultimate wise creation.  We learn healthy destruction and healthy creation.  It's all about responsibility, stewardship.  Destruction isn't evil unless it is out of balance and therefore causes unneeded harm.  There is no shame or wrong in being what we are created to be.  No bad karma for eating and taking care of our human needs, etc.

The only real evil, in my opinion, is what humans do to hurt and harm each other and the planet.  This includes any form of control over others, and mind control is the most common and pervasive.  People don't even know or want to believe they are being manipulated.  It's tragic.  But one by one, they are waking up to it.  Let's hope the trend continues.

One more thing...to hate Paganism, to hate Pagans, to oppress Pagans, is to do dishonor to your ancestors, whatever you believe.  Magic is the heritage of all humans.  Paganism is the heritage of all humans.  So is matriarchy.  And to hate the Goddess is to hate your Mother.

AKA What is Going On These Days with Your Favorite Lesbian Couple (You Know We Are!):

We are doing okay.  I've been really sick with a nasty head cold but am like 80% better now.  We have been very busy too.  We've gone to a few cultural events and festivals and we have just generally been running around doing stuff.  It's good.  Very good.  We have a lot of plans of more stuff to do soon, too. 
Elk is training for dog grooming and we are pleased to tell you that in a few months, she will be able to fully support us.  When I'm feeling well enough, I'm going to train to be a groomer, too.  It's a really good job and the people are nice.  We are making friends with a groomer who works there and plan to invite her and her girlfriend over for a movie night soon.  They seem like really nice women and are about our age.  It is really good for Elkie to have a friend at work.  One of my friends is planning to move to Tacoma soon, so we will be able to hang out with her, too.  It was nice seeing my cousin Claire when she visited.  She has been living in the Hobbit House I used to live in, in Boise.  Mom just found a buyer for the house, though.  I'm a bit sad that Claire won't get to live in the Hobbit House anymore but I guess it's all for the best.  I'm glad her kitty came back (he had been missing).  It would have been too sad if he didn't.  I'm happy for her, she seems happy and it's great that she has her own kitty now.  I hope we get to see her again soon.  I miss many family members.
Our apartment building has an infestation of bedbugs and they fumigated a couple rooms on lower floors.  I got some bites a couple days ago and we found a bedbug on my purse.  We think we must have picked it up while walking through the hall or it crawled under the door or something.  We are a bit worried but we picked up everything, vacuumed, washed bedding and stuff, and didn't see any more of them.  I'm making some strong lavender/clove/orange/rosemary stuff to clean the floor and carpet with, hopefully it will deter them.  The bites are pretty nasty.  Elk didn't get any.  Trust any biting bug to find me.  Let's hope that no more of them turn up.  I've been told we would have to fumigate (that would make us so sick) and couldn't take our bed and pillows and such with us when we move unless we can wash them and make sure no eggs are in them.  I'm hoping the power of herbs will help keep that from happening.  Apparently some people moved in with eggs in their used mattresses they picked up...or something like that.  Seattle had a infestation this summer.  We haven't told management that we found one because we don't want unnecessary fumigation, but if we find more of them, we might have to.  :(  I sure hope not. 
The good health news is that I've lost about 35 lbs or so, and some of my old clothes fit, and I went for a month without menstrual flooding and then got my period just after Elk's and the new moon.  I think they're trying to align and synchronize.  Sure hope so.  Oh, yeah, about the low income apartments we had been considering.  We checked them out.  They are SCARY.  Very scary people live in them.  This place is scary enough, it is rather ghetto.  We have druggies, dealers, drunks, people who scream and fight and hit things and throw things around 24/7, constant pot and tobacco smoke, et cetera.  The main problem with the low income housing is that it takes at least a year or more to get in, and by that time Julie will be making too much money to qualify.  We are looking at inexpensive housing closer to her work.  The pollution and noise here are hard on us.  The buses run where we'd need to go to get around.  We have walked all over the area near her work and it's much nicer and housing is cheaper/better.  For what we are paying, we can do way better for an apartment outside of the downtown area.  Once we can support ourselves we are going to save up for a vehicle, it would make our lives so much easier.  We don't want to have one at this apartment building (not unless we get it just before we move) because the parking payment is so high.  It will be better outside of downtown.  All downtown parking is insanely expensive.  I catch a bug every time I take the bus somewhere, even though I use hand sanitizer and take immune stuff.  Having a vehicle will keep us healthier.  Plus when we walk downtown we breathe a ton of car exhaust.  It would be much better to do our walking at the arboretum and parks.  The area we want to move has nice places to walk.  It is also near some fun craft stores like JoAnne's and Michaels and the World Market.  Once I get my online store going and am selling my stuff at the fairs, it will be nice to have the supplies so close.  Plus I am not as scared to walk alone in that area like I am in the area we are living in.  I'll still be careful, of course, it's just a safer area.
I tried to get on disability but it didn't work out.  It's pretty much a horror story, in fact.  I was told (repeatedly) that not many people get on it, and someone said it usually it takes about three years and a court battle, and apparently I would have to go to a medical doctor they approve and see a shrink they like regularly, and they reserve the money and aid for the people who are the most disabled and need it the most and I would only get about three hundred extra a month and the aid wouldn't cover naturopathic visits (which is what my doctor is, and I don't want to go back to conventional crap medicine).  The whole ordeal has been very stressful and has caused a lot of sleep loss and hair loss and nightmares and panic attacks and crying my eyes out...mostly due to the interrogations they put me through.  They understand that I am too sick to work right now but I am not in a wheelchair or missing limbs or retarded.  My friend told me her ex's dad lost the use of his hands and they didn't want to give him disability.  They make it as hard and painful and scary and nasty as possible to deter people.  Basically, you almost have to be a fully capable, able-bodied, healthy rich person to get on disability.  I'm not exaggerating.  It's disgusting.  With all the crap our country can spend our tax dollars on, why the heck can't we take care of our own needy people?  It's so bass-ackwards.  I had been getting a lot of pressure to get on it, too.  People don't know how hard it is.  Plus my mom's lawyer told her I should be able to get it.  I think some people think that I can just fill out a form and get approved.  A few people have had an attitude of, well, if you really can't work, prove it by getting on disability.  The pressure to get on it has been the most stressful thing about it (other than the fact that the social worker tried to force me to see a shrink, which is too freaky to me, I have bad trauma about that.)  I don't like feeling like a burden or leech on anyone, I just can't handle much physically or emotionally yet.  I'm trying to get better.  I don't want to hurt anyone.  Stress makes me cranky and I say things I shouldn't and do things I shouldn't. 
We did, however, get food stamps.  We are eating better and feel better because of it.  We have both slimmed down a bit.  I have been entering contests online and won a few prizes.  I got $100 from one this month and am debating what to do with it, we'll see where we need it.  I'm going to start stockpiling crafts to sell at some of the free craft fairs coming up.  We are almost on our feet, and it will be good to be independent.  And once we are on our feet we can do a lot more fun stuff like camping and visiting Boise for vacations, maybe.  I think once I'm stronger and in less pain, I could easily handle dog grooming.  I might even enjoy it.  And it is supposedly not too hard to get hired by the employer, they aren't as judgmental as some employers. 

She's Just Not That Into You...

An interesting and oddly amusing conversation happened on my FB page today...someone I don't know who added me off of Susun Weed's page posted this:
Her:  Hey there, I created a potion and prayer work for a friend to attract a mate, now she can't get rid of him.  He was not a good match, she is trying to get her family back together.  We really need to get rid of this guy.  Please help.
Me:  There are two sides to this. Physical and metaphysical. I'm not really an expert on love magic but I'll try. First of all, she should do the magic herself, if someone else does it for her it is not as clear or accurate. It's a little different with healing magic. Love magic has to come from her soul if it's magic for her. Healing can come from others as well, but the individual has to choose to heal.
You had good intentions though and that's most important. But since you did the initial magic you should help her remedy it, since your energy is involved. In fact, part of the attachment is to you, even if no one else knows it. You will have to metaphysically cut those strings between him and yourself and him and your friend, you may even find that you have formed some strings of the same energy between yourself and your friend, forming a triangle, which isn't good for any of you and you will need to detach that energy and neutralize it, too, for your friendship. I will do my best to tell you how to do that, but most of it will have to happen in your mind/energy space and your friend's. She can get involved, right? It will make it more effective and easier.
It's hard to get good results when doing love magic for someone else. It's like wires get crossed or something. But what strikes me is that, if the spell was aimed at attracting a good mate for her, it seems unlikely that he appeared as a result, if he is (as you say) a bad match- though I suppose the crossed wires could have done that. The spell should have attracted what you asked for- what did you ask for, specifically? I think the only really good results from love spells (in my experience) are when someone asks to find the right person and recognize the right person and they simply define this person as just right for them or as a soulmate and don't define it too much beyond that. That's actually what worked for me. Though if they have a pattern of attracting, say, abusive people, it doesn't hurt to define that you are looking for someone who is gentle and respectful and will not abuse you. The right person, a soulmate, will not be like that, anyway.
Before I get into the metaphysical more, I want to talk about the physical. Has she told him he needs to leave her alone? She needs to set the boundaries in no uncertain terms. She needs to tell him she doesn't want him in her life anymore and that he may not call or visit or show up where she works or whatever he is doing. She needs to tell him that if he doesn't respect her wishes she will get the law involved. Then she needs to follow through. She should talk to the police right away and tell them what is going on so that if more happens (and hopefully it won't), they will know and be prepared, and if she has to get a protection or restraining order, it will be easier to do so. Then if he continues to bother her, she needs to get an order on him. She should also carry a pepper spray if it comes to this, and perhaps change her number if she can. Any attention she gives him will encourage him to continue harassing her. If the police seem reluctant to help her, she needs to be insistent and if she has to threaten legal action if they fail to do their jobs, she should. Usually that's all it takes. 
I'm gonna write more in a new comment, this is getting long.
Her: Thank you for your time. I should have given you a back story.
I totally understand exactly where you are coming from and respect all that you have shared. Years ago I was given the ability to help people find a mate. After a few years of study and a long heart filled search for the love of my life (12 years together and strong) The Universe has granted me some kind of force to help people align their intentions and find love. I don't do this randomly or just for anyonw. There is a process and we can talk about that more, but believe me, I tell the seeker to be really clear on what they want before we start the process. Anyway, this guy IS what she asked for but a few more times around the sun everything changed. It's like he won't leave her alone,, not in a stalker way, but just like he moved in. hes at her apt ALL THE TIME. She is a swwet, sensitive, hippie type and wants to end the relationship. You are right, she does need to verbalize but does not want to hurt his feelings... We were hoping to just genlty move him along. I would love to help him find someone else, or a job out of town, something ONLY GOOD for him. Maybe you are right, she just needs to tell him. I dont think the law needs to be involved. Not yet, he doesnt have a clue. We got some onions and cloves, writng his name on parchment and putting this together. She has realized she wants her husband back, and I think that is who the spell was really for. Oh dear Lord, I dont want to be a string, a triangle, nothing. i just enjoy helping people find love.
Me:  (I hadn't seen the above post yet, so I kept talking about the way to deal with a magically-induced stalker, as this is a typical problem people have when doing love magic, and others have asked me about it in the past.) 
So that took care of the physical side. Now back to the energy. You both should take regular salt baths until this is long over. You should smudge each other with smudge sticks and do whatever other aura-clearing and strengthening exercise you like to use. Also do clearing and protective work on both of your homes. Smudging is a really good tool here. Rose water is also good for clearing and protecting. You can mist it all over yourselves and your homes. When you clear and protect your homes, don't forget the walls and ceilings and yards, and especially concentrate on your doors and windows and other entryways. They are very important. Use a lot of visualization techniques on yourselves and your homes. See your outer layers of your aura as a force field, where only what you allow to come in can come in, and his energy is not able to come in. Visualize a pentacle or runes for protection like a seal anywhere you feel like your aura needs extra protection, whatever symbol works for you. Do the same for your house. Around you is a force field shaped like an egg. See the egg or spherical force field around your home. Use seals where necessary. I especially use seals in the areas over my chakras and the back of my head/neck, and over doors, gates, windows, etc. Also a big one over the roof and under the ground, and over my head (like a halo) and under my feet. They will still allow healthy energy to flow. It will be more effective once you have cut the energy ties between people. Another visualization for clearing out unwanted energies is to see a sort of star/bomb inside you. It starts deep inside the middle of you. It grows, a blazing ball of light, pushing anything that's not *you* out of it's way. It becomes larger and larger until it has pushed all of the junk out of your energy field. It explodes. In your mind, and asking the help of your spirit guardians, ground the energy into the Earth with an intention that it will become something healthier, be like a fertilizer and a seed, become a happy flower. More in another comment.
Blessed be
Me: Oh, I see. I would say you probably shouldn't do any magic on him until she has told him, and only then if he refuses to move on.
Her:  EXACTLY. Fir some strange reason, I feel more clear and she does too. She needs to talk first. I will let you know if or when we need back up. Sorry, sometimes I just need to talk things out for them to make sense.
Me:  That's fine, I know how that works. :) Glad I could help. She will feel a lot better if she handles this by talking honestly. It's healthier.
Her:  We are laughing right now. We both have 2 Master degrees and 3 bachelors each. Both working on our PhDs and never thought to talk to the guy......
Me:  LOL, it's really okay, it's just how it worked out. Just didn't come up in your minds...it happens to everyone all the time. ;P But good that you can get a laugh out of it.

I'm not even sure I should tell you what I'm thinking/feeling right now.  O.O  ROFLMAO!
Oh, but I will.  Once I recover a bit.  Hahahahaha!
Hey, this made me feel...kinda...smart.  I mean...they have all those degrees and obviously she thinks she knows more about magic than me because she's older or something, but there are so many things about what she said and what they are both thinking/doing that are...just kinda...for lack of a better word, STUPID.  I knew better when I was a five year old.  But I'm not saying anything to her about it.  They'll learn in their own time, they won't learn it from me.

I have seen/heard a lot of negative stuff about people who receive aid lately.  Actually, I've been hearing it for years.  I don't really care if anyone disagrees with this, I am sharing my point of view, which seems to be in the minority.  Most people who receive aid are ashamed (because of this societal shaming) or even scared to admit to it or speak up about it.  The people who negatively stereotype benefit recipients have probably never been in a desperate situation or have never been poor/homeless/hungry.  I have.  Let my experience broaden your views, if they are not already open-minded.
There's a welfare recipient stereotype that's largely promoted by conservatives/republicans. A lot of people who get welfare/other benefits (myself included) want to work, try to work, need help badly, and are only on aid temporarily. I hate how people are always saying horrible crap about people who need a little help. I couldn't have prevented my situation from happening, there is no good reason it should have happened. Spewing crap about welfare/aid recipients and judging people based on a stupid selfish stereotype actually HURTS people. A lot of us already feel horrible enough about our "failures" or problems and our need to seek aid. I didn't even get any until recently, when there are a few years now that I really could have asked for help. I figure if our country can fund a stupid fuel/revenge war, we sure as hell should be able to take care of our own people. We're a family, we're a villiage, a global villiage really, we should take care of each other!  I take care of others as much as I can and have done so to the point of neglecting my own needs and wants.   I've worked hard in the past and supported myself and volunteered and done activism and given a lot of myself to the world. Now I'm very ill and I had to get help to be able to pay rent and buy food. I have never done a drug in my life and don't even drink. People who have addictions have diseases and people who are afraid to work have mental health issues.  Would you hate/punish a cancer patient?  Just because someone doesn't have a visual and devastating outward, physical disability or illness does not mean they are not suffering.  No one in this country should be homeless or starving or without medicine and treatment. I have been through all of those predicaments and more.  I was taught to be ashamed and afraid to ask for help.  It is taking all of my bravery to talk about it.  No one should be made to feel that way.  No one. Period.

Compassion and tolerance are ALWAYS a better choice.

Oh, and btw, to further refute the stereotype, I have an excellent education and have been tested as a low-level genius on IQ tests.  Not that it should matter...but whatever people think of me because I'm getting monetary help, they don't know me and I doubt that any of their assumptions/projections are true.  I hope I can open a few minds by speaking up about this.

South Park :D

So, we have been watching a lot of South Park lately.  It's brilliant.  I remembered my brother had made a character of himself in SP style once, so I looked up a site where you can design your own character: http://www.sp-studio.de/
Since then, Elk (aelfhare) and I have been messing around with it and editing in Paint.  It's so awesome.  LOL!
So first I made a couple versions of myself.  Then we made a Polly and Maladict scene (Monstrous Regiment <3).  Then, as a surprise for Elkie, when she wakes up tomorrow, mwahahahaha, I made this...(it's us, LOL!)  <3 <3 <3  I am such a geek.  X3
Phoenix and Elk, South Park style!
I even included the cat...though he does appear to be levitating.  I had to edit it a lot in Paint.  I really should be asleep, but I'm anxious.  So I'm making silly (but oddly romantic) SP images instead.  Brilliant, aren't I?  :P
So, here are the other images we made so far:
Polly and Maladict from Monstrous Regiment <3
I still want to give Maladict some eyeliner.  Her eyes don't show up on the pale vampire skin, hahaha.  I also realized that it kinda looks like Polly is contemplating using the sword on Mal.  O.o  LMAO!  Elk mostly made this one, I just helped her edit it a bit.  She is so funny and creative.  I love her so much.  <3
If anyone wants to see the original goofy images I came up with for my character, let me know.  And if you make your own images, I'd love to see 'em, if you want to share!  :D
Well, I'd better force myself to sleep a little tonight...have to get up early to go get my blood drawn for another test.  But hey, then we are going to an Obon festival!!!  ^____^  Oh hell yeah!

An entry for a herbal poetry contest...

Pressed her winged darling
Against her breast, whispering,
“I shall with my fragrant love
Heal all the worlds’
Distress within your weary bosom…
Rest against me.”
Her miracles created
In her fairy lover an ocean of
New life.

I guess not everyone will automatically comprehend all of the meaning if they are not familiar with herbal and Goddess lore, so I'll mention a few things: Violets have a profound effect upon the female reproductive organs and especially breast tissue. They are being studied as preventatives and even possible cures for breast cancer in both men and women. They are helpful for all kinds of reproductive troubles. The energy of the flowers (which are edible and sweetly, subtley fragrant) is enchanting and desire-enhancing. I am a herbalist so I can say these things, LOL! ;) They are tantalizing to fairies...big surprise, eh? They draw all sweet and kind magical creatures to them and have the essence of gentleness, innocence as our nature (which includes sexuality), playfulness, and timelessness. "We are born innocent...believe me...we are still innocent." -Sarah McLachlan
Violets produce beautiful, scented flowers first, which do not produce seed, and later send up small green flowers that are hardly noticeable, which form seed capsules that split into three in a very Triple-Goddessy shape when they release their seeds. They are prolific. Many mainstream gardeners curse them and poison them. They feel the pain and hate of the Patriarchy and its damage to our world, but they have the glowing power to transmute it and heal it. They have this power in parallel in our bodies. Womens' reproductive systems especially are susceptible to the damage of the Earth. She is a woman, after all. We, like it or not, are formed in part by the energy of what is happening to the Earth and our own bodies play it out, internalize it. That's why so many women and girls are facing worse and worse health problems. You can take this in a literal or symbolic sense. I mean it in both. As Mother Earth is mistreated, it is reflected in how women are mistreated, and vice versa. We are inexorably linked. We are Her. True witchcraft is to know this. She is us.
We all have wings. Some of us can even see and/or feel them. I can. Can you? Try. Let yourself see them. Let yourself believe in them.
I should draw a picture of what we are and show our wings so that you can see what I mean. I tend to draw my pictures the way I think others will understand them. We have wings made of rainbow light.
Love can heal. If we love each other and the Earth, we can heal everything. Love means acceptance and understanding. This requires communication. Hence the poetry. ;)
This poem comes from my struggles with health problems over the past few years. I have been very sick. Why? In part because of energetic pain and abuse and trauma. In part because of genetics I didn't know about, due to closed adoption. In part, periods of poverty, periods of neglect. It's hard to explain. At least I have it worked out inside my head. I know what has been shown and told to me before- the best healers are often sick first. Chiron learned to heal by healing himself. It is not a coincidence I'm a Sagittarius. I was born this way, I was always this way, and I was made to heal myself and the Earth. That's what I came here to do. It was that or fail. I must admit, I almost failed a few months ago. I have to choose every moment of every day to succeed in this. It is not easy. But I have made my choice. Now let none stand in my way.
Violets have always been a favorite of mine. It is the only plant I brought with me on my last move across the country. They find me when I need them. They give me hope, even when little else does. This poem comes from the hope that new life (in more ways than one) is still possible to create within me, in my body and in my spirit. This is a hope for healing and a chance for a future. I hope you understand.

A couple of attempts at erotic poetry...

Okay, fair warning, if you don't want to read sexual stuff from me, STOP READING NOW.  Otherwise, don't judge me for being a sexual being.  Mmmmkay?  ;P  <3
I know it's silly, but I was too embarrassed (due to the possibility of certain family members reading it) to put these on FB...but as far as I know only a few friends read this blog, so here goes...
Oh, and there will be more attempts, and artwork.  I want to be more sexually free and expressive now that I'm getting closer to being really free again.  I hate how oppression shut up the truth that was inside me.  I have to find myself again by opening up the locked doors that will let out a bit of my true self at a time.  This is really really hard.  I need all the love and friendship I can get.  And I know I've sworn it before, but this time I mean it, REALLY...I will not allow anyone to ever abuse me again.  I will not allow abusive people to stay in my life.  I have had enough.  It did more damage than I knew it could.  Now I have to pick up the pieces of myself and find a way to put them back together.  The only glue for that is love, so love me, please, as much as you can, however you can.

Lick me up
My thighs and
Tickling up warmly
Heat my breasts with
Cupped hands
Licking nipples go
Down to my
Parting my thighs alive
Become my lips
Parting pearl

Deep greens and browns
Are the ocean floor where
Once I lived.
You were there, you…
That one.
That makes me gasp even now
As I think back
To what we once were.
You saw me and saw into me and saw more than me
In me.
No one else saw me.
I wanted you deep inside of me.
I didn’t know what this was.
In our shaded swirling wetness,
Surrounded by seaweed, you
Swept me up
And made me yours
In ways I’ll never forget.
You loved into the core of the ocean
Inside me.
With tails wrapped around
And breasts pressed to breasts,
You taught me eternity and everything and nothing
In the chaos of ecstasy
In a split second of
My watery existence.
Make me yours again and again.

People ask why I'm not working.  A "real" "normal" job.  Being an herbalist, housewife, crafter, minister...doesn't count.  (DOESNT COUNT FOR SHIT.)  In fact, they do more than ask.  They judge.  Harshly.  I haven't officially worked in a long time (I helped Elk with our intense daily paper route and animal/plant care and building projects and took care of domestic stuff like cooking and cleaning when we were in Louisiana, as much as my body would allow me to do and sometimes more), and my last few employers fired me or had issues with me for stupid shit (like, mostly for being gay or Pagan, or because they believed rumors, or because they thought I was doing things I wasn't doing) and would not make me look good to prospective employers. I have never had good luck with finding or keeping jobs and now that I'm not able to physically do much or emotionally/mentally handle much, I think my chances are even less. People are directly and indirectly pressuring me about money and getting a job. Yet simultaneously saying I need to get better first. Ugh.
I want to do crafts and herbalism from home to make money. I don't have the means to get started, though. I don't have what I need. I don't see it coming any time soon either.
Someday I will write on here about my past employment experiences.
Goddess...every now and then I realize just how little anyone else (except a select few) seems to understand *just* how ill I am and how much it hurts to be in my body.  And how much stress and pressure make me ill.
And you know a place like WalMart wouldn't even hire me to be a door greeter because I don't appear to be crippled or handicapped or whatever.  I just appear fat, and people think I did that to myself.  And *choose* not to change it.  RAWR.



Latest Month

September 2010



RSS Atom
Powered by LiveJournal.com